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December 30, 2006
Random thoughts
I was at a party last night. And my friend mentioned something to me about seeing my ex with his new girlfriend at a different party, so of course I have been thinking about that a little bit.
I've refrained from posting in this blog about this topic because I didn't want to create uneccessary drama, but I'm not naming names, so I think it should be okay. I'm just tired of keeping up the happy face while squashing my emotions.
We've been broken up for almost 4 months now, and I'm working on moving on. It just came as a huge shock to me when I found out he had a new girlfriend, so relatively soon after we broke up (I found out he was dating someone about 2 months after we split up, after a 2+ year relationship). And given what I know about the past of this person, I am sure they were dating for longer than they had made public. Part of what bothered me so much was that it made me feel like I was nothing to him, that he would commit himself to someone else so fast. I'm not saying that's what he intended or how he really felt, it's just how it made ME feel. And I'm just trying to deal with that.
Do I know that we're too different and that this is better for both of us in the long run? Of course I do. I'm tired of people saying things to me like "fuck him" or "fuck her" or things of that nature. Sometimes I'm not looking to my friends to actually say anything. I'm just looking for someone to just be there and listen while I talk and/or cry. Just ignoring the feelings without working through them isn't going to help me at all.
I've been out on a few dates, not many. Mostly still working a lot. But I actually shot my short movie (and did the grown up thing and gave him credit for helping to come up with the idea). I submitted it to the Tromadance film festival and I am pretty sure it's going to get in. And I've discovered that my brother is amazingly creative and has all kinds of great ideas for movies. I'm about to take two weeks off work to go to Utah. I'm going to hang out with some friends and then do the whole Tromadance thing. I'm working on moving on with my life, I just have to work through these feelings too.
Posted by shmecky at December 30, 2006 10:34 PM