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November 24, 2006

Can't sleep

According to my computer clock, it is 2:43am. I have my alarm set for 5am to get up and get ready for work because my store opens at 7am tomorrow (well, really today).

But I can't sleep.

I've got all kinds of jumbled thoughts running through my head. I thought maybe, if I typed them out, they would go away and let me at least take a nap.

I'm planning on shooting a short movie in just over two weeks and I still don't even have the lead actress cast or most of my crew or anything. I'm still debating on my shooting location too. It will get done, and it will be awesome and I will submit it to Tromadance, and it will get in and people will love it.

I've been listening to a lot of Chicago in my car lately (because my Poultrygeist soundtrack is in my store). While driving home from outlet mall shopping and singing along, one little line in one little song really stood out to me:

"After all that's been said and done, you're just a part of me I can't let go"

And I realized that is me. Not just in the relationship that I am no longer in. But with everything. Even things I know I should let go of, but still cling to for dear life. I think I need to change this.

I also had a recent disappointment that left me feeling very inadequate and insecure, but that's pretty much the norm for me lately anyway. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, but at the same time I don't do anything to change my weight. I know what I need to do, exercise more and eat less, yet I choose not to. So, some part of me must want to keep the weight on.

Okay, I hope I can sleep now...

Posted by shmecky at November 24, 2006 03:01 AM

Comments

I refer you to more lyrics:

"Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...You're not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday."

Oh, and most importantly:

"Be kind to your knees, youll miss them when they're gone."

Posted by: Debra [TypeKey Profile Page] at November 28, 2006 05:46 PM

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