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June 25, 2004
Mustard
I have a mustard obsession.
Plain old fashion yellow mustard. Dijon Mustard. Whole Grain Mustard. Spicy Brown Mustard.
They all have their uses. Mostly, I use them as dressing bases. Sometimes I marinate in mustard and vinegar. Chicken and fish benefit quite well from a mustard merinade. Sometimes, when I'm feeling a little off. I'll just eat a tablespoon of mustard. The tart vinegary taste is something that I find balancing. I know Traditional Chinese Medicine and likely Ayurveda would say that this shows an imbalance of somekind. I'm really starting to head toward more traditional less invasive types of medicine.
Yesterday, because I'm feeling so achy and icky I switched doctors. I decided to go to an integrative doctor. He sat with me for an hour going through my past medical history. He asked me what my "gut" was telling me about what the aches and pains were. (I'm not sure, but I'm always concerned that I'm getting too much exercise.) We talked about fitness and nutrition habits. He requested that I have my past medical records sent to him and then after my blood tests results were back he'd meet with me again to create a plan of action. He said "Even the healthiest of Olympic Athletes will take a day off from training."
I like him. I'm also reading several books right now on self-awareness and heath. Eight Weeks to Optimum Health by Dr. Andrew Weil, I Don't Know What I Want, but I Know it's Not This by an author I can't remember and Life Makeover by Cheryl Richardson. I think all of this self-help/awareness kick is coming from my Grandmother being so ill.
She's not doing good. She's started to have multiple organ system failures. She is having a liver biopsy today.....I'm just ready to have her home. I have not seen her awake for over a week. It's hard. And I'm tired, ready for some kind of rest or break. I keep telling everyone I'm ready for a personal retreat in the desert near an oasis by myself. Just to get away from everyone and everything for a while. I'm really into the "desert" right now. Probably has everything to do with my education background in mythology. The hero goes out into, very often, a desert and comes back ready to fight the good fight. From barren lands to rich and vital soil.
Anyone want to go with me?
Posted by Sarah at 09:31 AM | Comments (1)
June 11, 2004
On the Verge
Grandma had surgery yesterday...even though they wanted to wait.
Her right tricuspid valve was completely dialated and had to be replaced. This was the same valve that her surgeon said would "repair itself" in August. Yeah. whatever.
She did ok in surgery but when they extabated her last night she had a seizure, which isn't good. Her kidney's are also beginning to fail again.
I feel on the verge of a complete mental shutdown if that's possible at the young age of 24, almost 25.
You know that scene in Rainman, where Tom Cruise's character is out in the desert and he screams "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" at the top of his lungs? That's what I feel like doing right now.
Posted by Sarah at 09:28 AM | Comments (1)
June 08, 2004
Blech
As I see things, animal bodies are both beautiful and horrific. Or perhaps it is the way that animals, more specifically human animals, treat their bodies that are horrific.
When illness strikes is it the body rebelling against something we have done or failed to do? Or is it a result of something in our environment, determined to rid the earth of what might be seen as "a virus" to quote Mr. Smith from the Matrix.
When do you know to say to doctor's, striving to keep a failing body alive, enough! No more! This body has gone as far as nature has intended. When is the treatment worse then the disease and the subsequent consequence?
I'm very tired right now any my own body is rebelling against sitting upright. My grandmother has been transferred to LDS Hospital, thank God. She's been in the hospital for over a week now. She's doing better, but still has a lot to go through. She has a "vegetation" on her aortic valve. Some kind of bacterial growth according to the infectious disease doctors. Her heart is mush.
I love my grandmother. But I am not convinced that this agressive treatment is best for her. I feel very sad, tired and lost. And, I can't really say things like this to my aunt...my mom, I can...hell she's an administrator and social worker for her own hospice. I just feel like saying, "Enough, Grandma!! We can take care of grandpa, if you don't want to do this."
I could really use a nap right now.
Posted by Sarah at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)