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November 21, 2003
Friday, 11:37am
So, I'm coming off of a nice bit of food poisoning, and boy was that a hoot.
Current ponderings include but are not limited to:
1. Relating to people as me, which is becoming difficult at times. I have no interest in alot of stuff that people are spending brain obsession time about, and I find it hard to show false enthusiasm. It's not that I don't care about people... I do, greatly. It's that I'm way far out of caring about the ego or anyone else's ego or anything that shows ego prominently. So one can see my dilemma, as most people don't care to seperate from the ego, rather they'd prefer to feed it. So, I'm seeking my balance in communication so that I can inspire and share joy and whatnot, while refraining from supplying ego food to the masses.
It's tricky. I'm really beginning to get why people who truly study meditation and zen and such like to go and live silently alone. One can do less damage that way, and leave a small footprint on the Earth itself.
2. That leads me to the footprint concern... I find that just in simple living, I'm still contributing to destruction of the planet. I'm not sure where that's going... back to vegitarianism, I feel, and I don't know what else. Again, if I lived on top of a mountain and co-existed with nature, would that really solve it? I suppose I'm just saddened by seeing how little alot of humanity really even thinks about what the amount of trash they throw out each week really means to the Earth.
3. I drop into meditation for hours at a time these days... and my yoga is going deeper and deeper. The amount of opening in my body and mind freaks me out a bit here and there, but it's right. Another thing I was thinking about - those folks who do go up on top of mountains and are only studying spiritual aspects of life, are they losing part of the practice by seperating themselves from the rest of humanity? Or are they taking a step that deepens the practice by seperating themselves from the rest of humanity? I find that I'm challenged greatly with all of my practices by doing them in the middle of LA. If I can keep my peace in the midst of chaos, wouldn't it stand to reason that I can keep my peace in solitude? Perhaps it's the punk rock in me... I'm not sure... but I do enjoy being as zen as possible in the middle of one of the most ego-driven cities in the world.
4. That's it for now. My brain is processing random theories of detachment. It's fun, and quite enlightening. Especially since it allows me to really see people. Being detached is one of the most liberating things ever, especially since discovering that being detached has nothing to do with lessening the ability to have love all over life.
Rock on.
Posted by kam at November 21, 2003 11:53 AM
Comments
how does one detach from the ego. do you mean the ego as in one's public persona, or ego as in "i'm so great, don't you think i'm great?"
Posted by: jodi at November 22, 2003 08:02 PM
"Again, if I lived on top of a mountain and co-existed with nature, would that really solve it?"
honestly, i have always thought that it would make it worse. some of the biggest problems we have in this area are due to sprawl because people want to live away from eveyrone else. all the ends up happening is that the natural areas just end up being altered to support the people who live there. so i'm all for urban living =) then again, i guess it depends on how one would choose to live out there. i guess if you were going to do everything naturally and not need roads or natural gas piped in, maybe it would be ecologically better to move out far away.
also, there's the detachment issue. if you realize that you're in a society that doesn't value things like our environment, how can they learn by example if the people who value things beyond the material aren't around?
Posted by: arifa at November 23, 2003 04:41 AM
Adi - excellent points. Those are exactly the types of things that come to mind when I ponder living far away. One of the reasons that I love living in LA is because I can be a positive force in the city simply by maintaining my practice in the midst of it. Meditating with the tree at the intersection just north of Crescent Heights and Sunset, where it turns into Laurel Canyon, is so much more rewarding than when I meditate far away. Tuning out city noise and emanating goodness into traffic is quite an awesome experience, because the city just soaks it up desperately, in a way. Moving to total nature is appealing for the peaceful factor, but totally, one would leave some kind of footprint.
Posted by: kam at November 23, 2003 10:21 AM
jodes - regarding detaching from the ego, I'll do a ramble: My ego is the bit of myself that tends to judge things, rationalize things, and expect things... being attached to outcomes because it's what is deserved, not being mindful of the words chosen to express myself... Ok, here's an example. When the ego is in control, I tend to express the emotions of the moment with anxiety and tension because the ego underlies with some expectation of how things should be. Now that my ego is chilled out after years of meditation practice, I tend to express the emotions of the moment with joy and compassion because there's no reflection of myself in the person I'm expressing to, thus there's nothing to do but feel compassion at truly being able to imagine what the other's circumstances are. Instead of having my ego mirror what they're going through into some kind of reflection of how everything relates to me. I'm not the greatest at explaining these thoughts yet... I'm just having them. So when I talk about practicing the art of detachment from the ego, it's about allowing my public persona to simply be a 100% true and honest expression of who I am, not what I think I deserve or what I think other people expect or want to see. :)
Posted by: kam at November 23, 2003 10:49 AM